I saw a commercial last night for new Febreeze Scent Stories. This isn't exactly new - I think another air freshener company came out with something similar. But, how ridiculous is this?! You insert a scent disk into this machine. Each disk has a theme: exploring a mountain trail, walking barefoot on the beach, strolling through the garden, laying in a hammock, etc. And the different scents on the disk supposedly recreate the experience. For example, the blurb for the beach is "Crisp and cool scents bring the pleasures of the waterfront to your home." Well, if you've ever been to the beach, you know that there are many scents along the waterfront, and not all of them are exactly pleasing. And exactly how do you recreate that hint of salt in the air when you're at the seashore?

These aren't stories. What beach? Whose garden? And maybe my hammock is inside! It's just another ridiculous marketing ploy, and I just can't imagine buying something as silly sounding as a "scent story disk." However, if they want me to write a scent story, I'd be happy to. Think of the drama, the romance:

Raoul: My dear, dinner was magnificent. Your pot roast makes me feel so virile.

Marly: (laughing girlishly in delight) Oh, you Latin lothario. I am helplessly enthralled by your mesmerizing charm and the magnetic effect of your gold medallion nestled in your thick thatch of chest hair. I am all a-flutter.

Raoul: Perhaps my love flower, you need to recline on this couch.

Marly: Oh, yes! And I shall plug in a Febreeze Scent Story. Would you like A Night at the Roller Disco or A Walk in New Jersey's Industrial District?

Raoul: Definitely the disco. And may I offer you some I Can't Believe it's Not Butter? The incredibly deceptive taste of butter will waft you away to a Fabio-filled fantasy.

Marly: Raoul, do you know what you're saying?

Raoul: Si, cara. Let me be your Fabio!

They embrace as the heady scent of mirrorball, dippity do, and floor wax float in the air, with a sensual undertone of butter.